Life in This Losely Fitting Skin

Michael, thank you for being so AMAZING! No, when I say 'that's on the list' it isn't because I don't like it, or it doesn't make me happy, it's because I need boundaries because I'm scared. No matter how hard I try to just act annoyed at what people say, I'm terrified of becoming pregnant, whether I'm married at the time or no, and I am scared of losing you, even if it's only for a few seconds if you lose your head. I know it happens, I don't want it to happen to you. I love you. And that terrifies me. Things are crazy enough as it is without a boyfriend, but I couldn't do without you. (no Kemsley I'm NOT dependant, just ecstatic to be around him) I don't know what will happen in the future, and I don't know when I'll get married, or to whom, I don't know if it'll be a return missionary or not, but I know I want to get married in the temple. I want to be able to stand before God and have my spouse by my side. The thing is, I'm scared I'll never make it, not that I'm not worthy for the temple, but that my body will shut down first. Already it hurts to eat, and it hurts not to eat. It hurts to stand, or to stand to long. I want to curl up next to you and fall asleep when that happens, because sleep helps, I just can't sleep through the night.